I have lived without cancer and I have lived decades with cancer. Once I knew there was a possibility of cancer I chose not to tell anyone. That may seem to be a strange choice but my professional training, my understanding of thought, my knowledge of perception and long study of behaviors gave me reason to believe that perception of “who I was” would change if they knew that cancer were present in my life. Not only would people see me differently they would treat me differently.
This is also a journey of faith that people might have difficulty understanding. I believed and still believe that I was given by my Creator incredible gifts of body, soul and mind. I believe that among those gifts is the ability of the body to heal itself and the mind to play a positive role in living to be well. The fact that cancer might be present in my body did not mean I was sick. It meant even deeper faith in what I had been given to stay well and why would I concentrate on some little undiagnosed intruder that was causing me absolutely no trouble? I preferred to spend my time thinking about how well I was. Those thoughts were not only more productive, but allowed me to live with the energy and passion for life that I have had for these many years.
If at any stage of my life with cancer I had made known to others that cancer was a problem in my life it most assuredly would have become one. Not only would I be focusing thought on the intruder, but the many who knew of its presence would be focusing thought on its presence in my body.
There would have been a very large tower transmitting messages about the cancer inside Sy Tucker’s body. I believe the universe is so constructed that the same messages given from many locations find each other and become a very strong, single broadcast. Positive find positive and negative find negative. If you want to change the message you have to change the station, you have to change the transmission, you have to tune out the negative messages.
Had all of those around me plus those many I met along my journey known I had cancer for many decades they would have, I am certain, hammered me with questions, shown concern for my dilemma in many overt ways, and generally spent much of our time together worrying about the status of my health. An example of this is my niece who called me right after arriving home from one appointment to tell me she had been thinking about how differently my family would have treated me if they had known I had cancer.
I fully realize that the path I chose may seem peculiar and may even seem selfish. How could I keep such an “important” issue from those who cared for me? I was not trying to keep people out of my life. I was rather living my life to include them in the fullness of my life.
This choice I made was a very conscious choice based on how I wanted to live my life. I had markers along the way that helped me make this decision, but from an early age I have understood that faith is not a garment you put on and take off at your convenience. This choice was made with faith.
It is evident to me that I believe my life would have been different had I announced the presence of an intruder in my being was most certainly confirmed. I am certain that my professional life would have been quite different, I am certain that many of the wonderful opportunities that I have had in my professional and personal life might not have occurred if I had made a different choice. I am certain that my resume would look quite different at 98.