September 24, 2016
The carpet has finally been installed; it is so great not to be looking at bare cement, and have some semblance of order in my house again. Everything from the affected area was stored in other rooms in my house. It’s pretty much back to normal. The whole mess was appropriately named my “floor nightmare.”
I guess I write about the above because of the great frustration I felt and endured for weeks on end. But I don’t think the frustration was greater or the problems more difficult because cancer is living with me. That’s the point. Things happen every day in our lives. Our journey is just that–a journey whether we have cancer or not. We travel on our life’s freeways and speed along. We occasionally look at the map and try to plan pieces of our journey. We hit the speed bumps and have to get new shock absorbers. And then there are the detours. Some lead us to beautiful places of joy; others take us to rough and sometimes even rocky terrain.
Once a month I visit my oncologist. Sometimes I have to pass through the large room where all the folks are getting their chemotherapy. I dislike that room immensely. I try to tell myself that they have chosen that route as a way to beat cancer. But it is such a depressing place for me as I walk through; my heart is heavy. They all look sad and distressed. Most have someone with them. I try not to look, but even peripheral vision isn’t blocked out. It is strong chemicals being infused into their body. The system will react.
I tell the nurse practitioner that I am back on XGeva which is the drug that’s supposed to help protect the bones against the Letrozole that might have an effect on the bones. That’s the way of most drugs. They have an effect that requires another drug to counteract the first one.
And so it goes. I’m going to go out and take a grateful walk to the end of my driveway. I’m going to open my gate today and continue down my driveway to visit the incredibly beautiful plumeria I have right outside of my gate. I don’t have just a few; I have many that are in full bloom now. Their fragrance is enticing and oh so pleasant. Want to think that you are in Hawaii? Come to my house and enjoy the amazing, lush plumeria.
It is certainly a truth in my journey I cannot see the plumeria as clearly as I once could. I can’t run to meet them as I once could. I cannot propagate or take care of them as I once could. But just imagine. I can see them and still enjoy the delicacy of the blossom against the majestic, large leaves. I can enjoy their perfume.
I still have the power to be grateful for what I have and what I can do. I don’t have to walk in my own shadows and curse the lack of sunshine. Being grateful is just opening your mind and heart to the next gifts coming your way from the One who knows your journey. Like perhaps having a tomorrow.