I do not think that I would be alive if I had trusted a doctor with the first lump I found. Instead I trusted the Great Physician. I realize fully that it will sound nutty, naive, crazy, and even uninformed to some. But I truly believe that faith is a great medicine, perhaps the most effective one we have if we know how to access it and are willing to use it.
Laurie passed away February 8th; I don’t know what year. Laurie, what you wrote popped up in my life when I needed it. I am trying to chronicle what it is like to have cancer living with me. I probably am chronicling what it will be like to die with it, but I know for certain that I am not in charge of that. I intend to keep counting on my faith to sustain me and my Creator to help me drink more deeply from the fountain of faith. I learn more and more each day that faith is not a thing. Some days I know it’s a river that I can stick a finger or toe in to test the water or I can jump in and experience the strength it gives with its never ending flow.
No one knew I had breast cancer for a very long time, decades. I have never had a mammogram; the one time I tried, the response from the technician was so strange that I have to consider it a message from my God. Sometimes I don’t hear them; sometimes they are clear, concise, and other times it seems the Lord had to hand me a puzzler to catch my attention.
I stopped having pelvic and breast exams so no doctor would see the dark spot on my breast and later the lesion. I told no one, not even my family or my best friends. I didn’t do it out of fear of the cancer; I did it because I did not want the megaphone of thought in the universe proclaiming my cancer. I, alone would determine with my God what thinking would affect my cancer. I never knew how strong my faith was in my body that had been given to me by my Creator, but I knew that I had been given what I needed, and that I needed to continue to learn from the one who had the blueprints, the design.